Where did the time go? I can't believe it's been seven years since I've been giving massages with happy endings. As I glance over at my resume' and I realize my last job was in 2008. I must have had some kind of mental breakdown now that I think about it. Why did I leave my job again? It was something about a coworker harassing me right? Oh then there was Marc, he came back into my life and nothing has been the same since. Maybe I'm suffering from PTSD. There has got to be a reasonable and logical explaination why I've subjected myself to oiling down strange men, tugging and stroking on foreign objects I have no business touching.
Tall men, short men, married men, single men,....um white men, brown men, black men, well you get the picture. When it comes to all things sexual, you're gonna meet men across all demographics. Sexual favors knows not of any discrimination when you get down to it.
I partly have to thank MSNBC for opening my eyes, up until watching the episodes on Sex Tracficking I didn't see myself as someone being objectified, I considered myself as a great Massage Practictioner who just happens to make men completely relaxed by releasing every muscle in their body.
I'm an adult, they're adults, what's wrong with that?, I told myself, boy was I wrong. There is no way to escape the psychological damages that occurs to anyone who sells sexual favors or sexual pleasures. I started doing this just over eight years ago and look at me now lack of trust towards men, single, and feeling some kinda way, like, maybe just maybe I don't need a man. I certainly don't need one to satisfy me sexually, I've got my b.o.b. for that, and he pleases me without fail every time. He's patient and very energetic, waits for me to cum. So am I jaded? Nooooo not at all, just a bit more realistic and I know not to put unrealistic expectations on men.
So here I am world another woman who has succumbed to the trappings of making a fast buck. Though, I wouldn't call myself a prostitute, I have definetly taken a few men upon certain offers throughout the 8 years, and I wouldn't Ever do it again because I can't even look at myself long enough if I ever did it again. Yep, I'm on the right track today, after admitting to myself how I got to this place and where I now want to go. So let's see how long it takes to ween off of these damn antidepressants and anxiety meds I'm on for four years and feel like a "normal" person like all of you out there who dare to judge.
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